Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
