Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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