i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
