That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
