it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
