Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
