I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
