I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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