I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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