well I can't set my house on fire every night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
