I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
