I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
