is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
