Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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