My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I haven't been this sober since birth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
