i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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