I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
