Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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