I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your penis caused this!
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