The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
