He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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