I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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