Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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