would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
