help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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