I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
