i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
