i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
