ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
