I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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