how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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