My hand turned me down
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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