how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
