When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
