I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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