why didn't you poke me back
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
