Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
