I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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