Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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