I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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