ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
