I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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