Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
