i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
