My first STD was from a foam party
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
