yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
