im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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