So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
