So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
