we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
