well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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