If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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