There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
