had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
