I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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