Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
