i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
