I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
