she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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