Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
