we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize