You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
