I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
