just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
