oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
