is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
