Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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