oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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