why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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