used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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