So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
