alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
