is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
