I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
