Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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